http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan recent pleonast.com entries by user heman_dan en-us http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan?l=5&entryID=591502 ...Is five years old now. I had an interesting conversation with her the last time I was home. While she was sitting at the table coloring she turned to me and asked, "Luke, are you going to get married?" Having one brother who got married after he went off to college I assume she is just trying to find a pattern. I simply responded, "Not right now." She nodded thoughtfully at this and turned back to her coloring. After a few seconds she turned to me again and said, "Luke? If you do get married, how do you find a girl?" "That is the real trick," I told her. "Yeah," she replied, "and you have to be taller than her." This was a piece of wisdom of which I had been ignorant until this newfound revelation from her. Attempting to dig further into her marital logic, I asked, "Do I need to be older than her too?" "No," came the short reply. Venturing into sillier territory, I aske... 2008-10-25 http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan?l=5&entryID=562986 Online physics homework (before Thursday) Lab homework (before Wednesday) Go shopping (before starvation) Open bank account (before bankruptcy) Pay off tuition for summer (before expulsion) Build trebuchet (before campus police find out) Finish The Aquataine Progression (before due date Sept. 15) Grow mutton chops (before another Martin van Buren is born) Let Margaret know that the song I couldn't remember the title of was "Venus and Mars/Rockshow" by Paul McCartney and Wings (before forgetting the title again) Finish school (before turning 30) Eat an all-you-can-eat buffet out of business (before having kids) Get married (before she knows better) Write thank you notes (before Mom comes after me with a SWAT team) Rid the world of the evil of cats (before it's too late) Perfect my Hungarian accent (before becoming a spy) Buy a farm with cows (after getting married so she can do the milking) A note to the reader: The preceding blog post was copied from a to-do list written on... 2008-08-15 http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan?l=5&entryID=550697 ...Outside of my parents' home definitely has it's perks. Now that I live my own apartment I get to make the rules. For example, nobody tells me just how much cholesterol was in all of that breakfast sausage I just ate, nobody tells me not to drink directly out of the milk jug, and nobody tells me when I can and can't eat Oreos. And there are more advantages than that; at least, I'm pretty sure there are. For some reason though, I've been racking my brains for close to two weeks now and haven't been able to come up with much more. Anyways, you're welcome to come visit me. The breakfast sausage is gone, but I can still offer you some milk and cookies. Wait a second, I thought we still had cookies left. Hmmm, I must put Oreos on the shopping list. Anyway there's still some milk left in the jug. 2008-07-15 http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan?l=5&entryID=533496 ...I did while on vacation in Lubbock this past week. I went to visit Sam and Emma (my brother and sister-in-law) and join them for a big Memorial Day BBQ they were going to. They were going to cook one of their goats for the get-together, so I helped out with that. It involved digging a giant pit (five feet wide by five feet long by three feet deep) to cook the goat in, taking the goat to the slaughterhouse (Sam was working and Emma wanted nothing to do with it). It seemed kind of mean to Othello (that's the goat) to take him to a slaughterhouse because I know he knew what was going to happen; he was even calling to me to take him back, and he didn't really like me. I would have much preferred that Sam and I do the slaughtering ourselves, but apparently you can really ruin goat meat if you don't know exactly what you're doing. I also had to bring the goat meat back from the slaughterhouse the next day for the same reasons that I had to take it there in the first place. Cooking the g... 2008-05-29 http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan?l=5&entryID=520901 She always waves to me before she goes, "I'll see you next twilight I suppose." It's probably the crowd that's filing in. "Goodbye m'lady, come see me again." There really is no need to leave so soon. Your beauty hasn't paled: you've simply left the room. 2008-04-24 http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan?l=5&entryID=510762 1:15 a.m. Border Patrol Checkpoint outside of Alamogordo, New Mexico Border Guard: Are you a U.S. citizen? Me: Yes, sir. Border Guard: Where are you headed tonight? Me: Alamogordo. Border Guard: Is that home? Me: Yes. Border Guard: Where are you coming from tonight? Me: Queen Creek. That's just south of Phoenix. Border Guard: Is there anything in the trunk? Me: A spud gun and a rifle. Border Guard: A what? Me: A potato gun and a rifle. Border Guard: What kind of rifle? Me: It's a Ruger 10/.22. Border Guard: Do you mind if I look in the trunk? Me: No, let me give you the key. Border Guard: Is that rifle yours? Me: Yes, sir. Border Guard: Alright, sir, have a good night. Me: Can I have my key back first? Border Guard: Oh! Yeah, you're going to need that. 2008-03-30 http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan?l=5&entryID=497156 ...One pint of blood and an hour of my time, I got some cookies and a t-shirt. It's a bit dishonest in my opinion to call the instrument they draw your blood with a needle: it's really a harpoon. But really, it wasn't painful at all. The worst part was when they pumped that cold saline solution into my body to keep me hydrated and raise my blood-sugar. It felt like they had injected ice water into my veins. Oh well, I'm none the worse for it, and they were good cookies. 2008-02-25 http://www.pleonast.com/user/heman_dan?l=5&entryID=485033 I appear once more, Behind my door. I come to dance the dance: to play the game. I never learned the rules; I wish I had. Right now I need to play more than you need another player. I'll speak my piece, I'll run my course, I'll take my seat again. A pity that these walls of mine, Cannot hold me for all time. 2008-01-27