College was supposed to be the peak, the pinnacle of youth: intelligent, free, sociable- content... It's really none of those at all!
My peers are idiots... so much so that it makes my blood boil! No one does the assignments, and they make fun of the teacher and the subject before she gets to class...
It's constricting... so much time dedicated to each single course!! With the other responsibilities of adulthood, I hardly think of freedom...
And sociable least of all. I am remiss to say that I have not made a single friend yet on campus... not a one!
I read somewhere that there are three categories in college: sleep, social life, and good grades.
It'll get better, don't worry. Pray about it. That's how a lot of people feel at the beginning of college, sometimes even in the middle. God knows I felt that way. It will get better.
It's just starting to get cold in Georgia. It's so very pleasant to walk outside and turn around for a jacket. I was considering going for a walk! (I still might... though it will be dark by the time I get back.) I can't remember the last time I went on a walk for fun! I've been so busy with keeping the house in order, work, and school. My mom is over, borrowing my brother's computer because her internet is down. I realized the other day how much I miss living with her, especially with her being so close! I went to a friend's house just as a meeting place to go to the Seafood Festival; her mother chided us for not having eaten beforehand and cooked for us. It was so nice... I'm in this awkward intermediate stage in my adulthood. Sometimes I feel like a helpless child. Othertimes I feel strong, independent, fearless. Right now- I'm restless. Last night I had a dream that I was at some sort of fair/carnival and as I walked around, played games- I met up with all of my ex's respectively. I was very happy, very nonchalant. We hugged, kissed- had fun: were vibrant in our youth. I think it was my subconscious reminding me how I've fallen- what I could be right now. I'm not unhappy, but I'm far from the pinnacle. I'm only making it, day by day; not excelling. Well... it seems to be all I can do right now to pay the bills and continue earning credits for that degree while satiating my family and friends' expectations.
I am so unlike the girl who created this weblog years ago... and yet, so acutely the same.
This wayward, battered heart is still so alive with love of you.
It is one of my few remaining virtues- so wholesome and pure... A love which doesn't waiver, no matter the circumstance or how much time ellapses. It's precious to me... my saving grace.
