so i haven't posted about my lust sobriety in a while. i am still "sober". today makes 99 days. i wish there was a way that i could convey how inconcievable that is for someone like me. there is NO way i could've done this without God. there is NO way i could've done this without my twelve-step group. and there is NO way i could've done this without my church family. just to note some of the changes i am still going through:
1. i have some anger issues. b/c in the past whenever i would exhibit or feel any kind of emotion other than happiness, i would resort to fantasies. these fantasies turned sexual as i got older. but i noticed, thinking back, that when i was young i would fantasize about sports or having lots of money or being really popular. then when i hit adolesence it simply turned sexual. so i am working through appropriate ways of expressing anger, which is not easy for me because i don't like anger. therein lies the problem :(
2. i have trust issues. it is extremely difficult for me to just trust. i don't see myself as very trustworthy so i project that onto other people so I don't feel as bad about myself. on whims at times i will break plans and back out of situations in which people really needed my help. for that i am eternally sorry and humble myself before those of you who read this and happen to be folks that i have let down in the past. as i progress through my 12 steps i may be contacting you to make that right by asking for your forgiveness. please bare with me, i'm a work in progress.
3. i am finding out that the world does not revolve around me. as absurd as this sounds, i have been all these years trying to play the role of God in my own life. isn't that crazy that an addiction can get you so turned around that you would swallow that hook, line and sinker????
so things that i am doing are these:
1. i go to my meeting. i go to my meeting. i go to my meeting.
2. when confronted with a possible lustful situation, i immediately beg God for help, pray for the person and beg God for forgiveness. i have done this so much now that the other day when i had to do it, i didn't realize i had done it till well after. i am a sheep!!
3. i talk to God now instead of praying. i talk to Him like i would talk to another person. and as weird as this is going to sound, He talks back. but its in the form of scripture that i read. its almost like the written Word is becoming so engrained in me that God is allowing my mind to refrence it when i have tough questions or descisions to make. freeky deeky :)
4. and this brings me to my next point. i read my bible, everyday.
also, how about them Gators??? beating the reigning national champs 51 - 21??????????????? bring on them bullpups!!!!!!!!
okay, seriously, how could i not say something about that the next day after?
love you guys
-out
p.s. - please continue to pray for me :)
also i got this from a good pleo - buddy:
If God has called you to be really like Christ in all your spirit, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility and put on you such demands of obedience, that He will not allow you to follow other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.
Others can brag on themselves, and their work, on their success, on their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.
The Lord will let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hid away in obscurity because He wants to produce some choice fragrant fruit for His glory, which can be produced only in the shade.
Others will be allowed to succeed in making money, but it is likely God will keep you poor because he wants you to have something far better than gold and that is a helpless dependence on Him; that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day - out of an unseen treasury.
God will let others be great, but He will keep you small. He will let others do a great work for Him and get credit for it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing; and then to make your work still more precious, He will let others get the credit for the work you have done, and this will make your reward ten times greater when He comes.
The Holy Spirit will put strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over.
So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has a right to do what He pleases with His own, and He will not explain to you a thousand things which may puzzle you in His dealing with you. He will wrap you up in a jealous love, and let other people say and do many things that you cannot do or say.
Settle it forever, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that others are not dealt with.
Now, when you are so possessed with the Living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this particular personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of heaven."
good work man, keep it up! meetings, meetings, meetings, it's important! i like how you're "talking" to God instead of praying. i try to do that as well, and it really does help. i know some people think it is less reverent, but i think it's the way to go. Also, go gators, good game.
since i just love to work, i just finished an on-line application for the seasonal third shift part-time fun of supplemental income at K-Mart!!!! yay!!!
please pray for a co-worker of mine at radioshack. on his way into work on saturday he got in a wreck on a motorcycle in the parking lot. he had to be life-lighted to osu. crazy. slit his leg open, got a compound fracture on his wrist, hairline fracture on his femure, broken collar bone and some pretty severe bruising. someone apparently was about to back out and hit him, he hit the gas and swerved causing the bike to pop a wheelie and him to careen (sp?) out of control into a parked car. crazy!!!! his leg will forever be ingrained in my mind!!! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! i am thankful that the injuries sustained were not lif critical. he called our boss who gave me the news that he is up and about in the hospital. his mom also stopped by the store today. so please pray for the gospel to somehow come into play in this scenario.
also alfred seems to think that he might be able to get me a job where he works. its kind of nice when employment opportunities arise while one is gainfully employed!! :)
that is all.
-out
one last thing, make sure you know who you're voting for:
You will never truly "know" who you are voting for my dear friend. They all just say what you want to hear to get elected. Unfortunately most all of them are corrupt in some form or fashion.
i am 100% for obama / biden. i would like it a little better if biden were in for pres, but i am definitely not for a party that will not change. period. i am proud that sara palin accepted vice pres position and i am not sexist. but she got beat like a thief caught red-handed. this republican retoric about telling me where the changes need to be but not backing it up w/ a plan is getting annoying. from obama and biden i have heard plans and facts. from mccain and palin i have heard that everything is fine with the way the current administration is running things. although i agree with ethical views of the republicans, they are essentially destroying our economy while alienating us from the rest of the world. gas was 1.39$ a gallon when bush took office, and ever since then the middle class has suffered. all i want from my government is a strong economy, good foreign relations and the freedom to be effective in Christ's kingdom. i do not want to go through a depression, but if we have to we have to. that is all, please forgive my political rant :) but the debates got me all stirred up.
remember, go gators!!!
-out
The debates got me a little stirred up as well. However if you really look at the facts, our economy was not in good shape when Pres. Bush took office, some actually speculated that we were slipping into a recession (thats when the tax rebates were issued) I am certainly not happy with the current situation in our economy but Biden and Obama and the Democratic controlled congress have had 2 years of "change" now and I see no results. I am certainly not 100% happy with either candidate. I just cant take everything Obama says as "fact" and everything McCain says as "more of the same". I appreciate your position though!
you don't know me. i, too, am 100% obama/biden. from them i get lucid analyses of the problems we face as americans and sustainable solutions. i am not a democratic, but an independent and have voted republican before. i just don't see how this country can flourish if mccain/palin are elected. to me, it would be the same as if hoover had been reelected.
hello we are both fine, did a show at the BC Depot last night. I really enjoyed myself. I will try to call you sometime today, Peggy and Jim are gonna be here overnight then they will be going to Norris, Tenn. tomorrow sometime. Hope you are well, take care, love you too......
some people get aggravated when i talk about football all the time, even though its football season. but there are a lot of things that "football" has in common with christianity. although i am the first to admit that i may have an inordinate attachment to football. but hear me out :)
for instance:
in Christ we are many members but one body, and we are engaged in the "fight" of a lifetime. in football there are many positions but one team. football is a violent sport.
in Christ we see harmony when all of the members realize their full potential and work together. in football you see touchdowns and defensive stops when all of the players stick to their assignments and work together towards a common goal.
in Christ we are edified and nourished by timely words and graceful speech. in football the morale of the team rises and falls from interactions between teammates.
in essence football is a lot like life, there are many parallels between spiritual applications and football. just as there are in many other things in this life ... soooooo put that in your pipe and smoke it ;)
-out
Buzz Up PrintGAINESVILLE, Fla. (AP)—Tim Tebow stood at the podium with his arms folded, took several deep breaths and then did something he’s never done before, something he’s never had to do.
He apologized after a football game. For his poor passes. For his costly fumble. For his failed fourth-down run. He took all the blame for this one— even though Jevan Snead and Mississippi deserved plenty of credit.
Snead threw two touchdown passes, ran for another score and led the Rebels to a 31-30 upset of No. 4 Florida on Saturday. It gave coach Houston Nutt a signature win in his fourth game at Ole Miss and put Florida in a hole with several tough Southeastern Conference games remaining.
The Gators (3-1, 1-1 SEC) turned the ball over three times, gave up a long pass play late and had some questionable play-calling throughout. But Tebow put it all on his shoulders.
“I’m sorry. I’m extremely sorry,” he said. “We were hoping for an undefeated season. That was my goal, something Florida’s never done here. But I promise you one thing: a lot of good will come out of this.
“You have never seen any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of this season and you’ll never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of this season, and you’ll never see a team play harder than we will the rest of this season.”
Florida lost four games last season with Tebow as the starter, mostly because of a poor defense. This one was much different.
Tebow fumbled on Florida’s second possession of the third quarter. Snead, the former Florida recruit who backed out of his commitment when he learned the Gators were going after Tebow, dumped a screen pass to Cordera Eason on third-and-10 that went for an 18-yard touchdown. It tied the game at 17.
Tebow was sacked three times, all the result of holding the ball too long in the pocket. He also overthrew four receivers deep, including two on consecutive plays on the final drive.
Maybe even more glaring was his final run.
Trailing 31-30 with about 40 seconds to play and facing fourth down and about 2 feet at the Ole Miss 32, the Gators called on Tebow to pick up the first down. Just about everyone at The Swamp—all 90,106 in attendance—knew Tebow was getting the ball. It was exactly what he wanted, too.
But he got hit in the backfield and never even got back to the line of scrimmage.
“I thought we’d get it,” Tebow said. “I thought I’d will myself to the first down. We just didn’t do it.”
Instead, Snead took a couple of knees, running out the clock and setting off a raucous celebration in and around the small section of Ole Miss fans who made the trip.
“We can build on this,” said Nutt, still drenched from the water bucket dumped on his head.
The Gators could have attempted a 49-yard field goal, which would have won the game, but Meyer opted to keep the ball in the hands of his most trusted player.
It backfired.
Tebow’s eyes were red, his voice crackling at times, and teammates said they had never seen him so emotional after a loss.
“I want it to stay in our hearts and keep hurting,” Tebow said. “This will motivate me personally and I believe everybody else, the coaches and the rest of the players, to never let something like this happen again, especially when we feel we’re better than a team and don’t play up to our ability.”
Tebow was 24-of-38 passing for 319 yards. He ran 15 times for 7 yards and two scores, a far cry from the 166 yards he had on the ground in Oxford last season.
The Rebels (3-2, 1-1) weren’t going to let Tebow beat them. They blitzed on nearly every down and played zone coverage, not allowing anything deep.
Florida struggled on offense much like it has all season, and the defense wasn’t as good.
Dexter McCluster ran for 60 yards and a touchdown and had a 40-yarder from the “Wild Hog” formation made famous by Darren McFadden under Nutt at Arkansas.
Snead was 9-of-20 passing for 185 yards, not great numbers, but he made plays when the Rebels needed them. His biggest was an 86-yard touchdown pass to Shay Hodge that put the Rebels ahead 31-24 with 5:26 to play.
“This will be a turning point of our season,” Snead said.
Tebow brought the Gators back, driving them 78 yards in about 2 minutes, but the game-tying extra point was blocked by defensive lineman Kentrell Lockett. Meyer argued that Lockett illegally jumped over the offensive line, but the officials did not agree.
“When I crossed the line, I made up my mind I was going to get the block,” Lockett said.
Florida forced a punt and had one more chance, but Tebow couldn’t get it done.
He apologized, but Florida’s biggest problem was three turnovers and a miserable third quarter that might go down as the worst in the Meyer era.
Leading 17-7, Harvin fumbled on the second play of the third. Ole Miss turned it into a field goal. Tebow fumbled on the next play. Ole Miss turned it into a touchdown.
It got worse for the Gators, too.
McCluster busted through the line and scored to make it 24-17. Tebow led the Gators back for a game-tying touchdown, but then Hodge got loose in the secondary.
“It’s awful. Bad, bad stuff,” Meyer said. “We’ll find out what kind of team we are.”
