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Fall break brought me back to Kentucky, and God brought me back to some high school friends. Tonight I had a great time catching up with them, and I think God used them to teach me some important lessons.
They told me about our classmates: dropping out of school. Having children. Aborting children. Living with guys. Splitting up marriages. Betraying their friends. Bulimic. Mentally unstable. Alcoholic. Depressed. Gaining or losing drastic amounts of weight. Smoking. Sleeping with random guys. Using paychecks to buy pot... talk about a reality slap to knock the naiveté out of you.
The ironic part is how seemingly happy and popular and smiley they all were in high school. I often looked at my religious restrictions as making me miss out on all the fun, and I was jealous of their carefree prancing through the halls. But you know who's waking up smiling now?
It's not like I just live in the absence of depressing, messy things; instead, I live in the presence of rich and beautiful things. I have friends who would lay down their lives for me—friends who genuinely care for me and help me and lift me up and speak the truth in love. I have a boyfriend who respects and protects and values my purity. I have a mom and dad so faithful to God, and to me, and to each other. (Tomorrow is their 23rd anniversary.) I have a truly rare educational experience at Florida College, being taught by Christians and with Christians. And I have a unique lifestyle while at FC: knowing someone will check on me every night at curfew, finding happy mail in my mailbox, walking to class and waving at everyone in a half-campus radius.
God has blessed me with rich things, and I'm truly happy. The world may see restrictions, but I feel totally free in a John 8:32 kinda way. By living God's way and walking in His truth, I can be all that He wants me to be. I can enjoy His gifts while still longing for Heaven. I can be so confident in living each new day and going wherever He sends me and doing whatever He commands, because I know He'll take care of me. In the context of my classmates, the most religious kid is now the happiest kid.
Lessons learned:
1. Even (especially) in high school, be evangelistic. If I had spoken up a little more boldly, perhaps I could have helped someone. Odds are, not many would have listened. But even if I could have prevented one precious heart from breaking (and causing a domino line of others), it would have been worth whatever weird looks or laughs I had received in return. If they're in so much pain right now here on earth, I shudder to imagine the eternal anguish sin will bring.
2. Never underestimate your influence. Apparently a couple years ago, a guy asked me in front of the class if I was going to come drink at his party that night, and I just replied, "No, I like to remember the fun I have." And the very kids I thought were rolling their eyes at me were the ones silently applauding me. One of the girls I was with tonight told me about this, and about how proud she was of me that day. Who knew? Oh, God did. He sees inside people. And I love Him for that.
3. The Lord is my light and my salvation. Getting into my car tonight, tears immediately flooded my eyes as I began praying for all these kids. My drive back was on a dark and winding road, so I also said a quick prayer for safety. And then I realized how accidentally metaphorical my prayer was. Aren't we all driving down dark, windy roads? But as Christians, we get to drive with our brights on. God's word is a lamp to our feet, illuminating our paths so that even our night will shine like the day.
4. God is winning, and we are more than conquerors through Him. Go read Psalms 37 and 73.
If you devote your heart to Him, and stretch out your hands to him,
If you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
Then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.
You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.
Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.
You will be secure, because there is hope;
You will look about you and take your rest in safety. (Job 11:13-18)
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I would go crazy trying to recount all the details from the past couple months. But I have come to this conclusion: our Lord is incredible—His provision, wisdom, patience, Word, timing, discipline—and I am thankful to be His servant.
Being in D.C. was great; being with Ben was even greater! He got tickets for us to watch the fireworks on the White House lawn, right under the President's balcony. There were thousands of other people there, so it wasn't like a personal jam session with the Bushes, but it was still a really fun experience. Beautiful fireworks display + free Bluebell ice cream + my wonderful family = a memorable 4th of July for sure.
Being in Texas was hot/wonderful/uplifting/tiring/sobering/fun all at once. I just learned/loved/laughed so much in those two weeks. There were moments/conversations/opportunities when I just had to tell myself, "This must be why God let me be a camp friend." I've been praying that the girls in my classes/cabin were as benefited from being there as I know I was! Thanks, Texas campers/staff, for making the week so great—and glory to God for that.
Being home is a breath of fresh air. I've just finished up working at the B&G Club, and now I have the next week to get ready for Florida. We've had a string of sweet company lately to whet my social butterfly's appetite, so I'm completely stoked about this fall. Lord-willing, I'll leave the 11th. I've loved being home, and I feel overwhelmingly welcome here, and I love that, and I probably always will... but it's time to move on. There are better things ahead than any we leave behind, right?
Lessons learned:
-- I am totally, completely, 100% attached to my falling apart shoes. We're going on four years (three D.C. trips, two white water rafting expeditions, and one mountain hike... just to continue the countdown).
-- The ZOE Group is the soundtrack to my life. Thanks a lot, D-Wat.
-- I'm in love with: fresh fish, hip hop music, children's artwork, the color pink (which is almost as much of a mindset as a color), and the Yankee Candle Company.
-- It's important to have friends of various ages and personalities, because they are like open textbooks walking through our lives.
-- God knows what we need, when we need it, why we need it, and how much we need it.
-- We've gotta give our hearts fully, impartially, and unhesitatingly to the people around us—not because they deserve it, but because God demands it.
-- Discipline, self-control, and respect for God's gifts are so physically apparent in how we live. Do we keep the space around us clean? Do we manage our time wisely? Do we open our mouths with wisdom? The clothes in our closet, the minutes in our day, the words on our lips... these have been entrusted to us by God.
-- Sometimes it's other people's weaknesses that hurt us, and not our own. But we must bear these meekly and patiently.
-- Mountains and stars and oceans and sunsets are wonderful. Truly. But, to me, people are the most beautiful of God's creation. Humanity is so stained by sin, but there are moments when Christ will shine through a brother or sister, and I remember why I'm here and what I'm to be doing. And there's no doubt in my mind: why would I want to be Julianne when I could be like Christ? I want to lose myself in Him... |
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This summer, I'm working at the Boys and Girls Club here in Franklin. The job is simultaneously challenging and rewarding. (Typical, huh?) I've gotten so good at tying shoes, putting on Band-Aids, playing Foosball, and calling out exotic names like Olajuan and Tarneesha and Da'Sha and Ventavious and Lyric and Hajjah. I get to hug all over kids whose parents deal drugs, hide from the police, and tell their children to only be friends with people of their own race. I give paper airplanes and high-fives and afternoon snacks to kids who have defective moral compasses and skewed worldviews. From 7:30 to 4:00, five days a week, that's where you'll find me.
I'm learning so much about the importance of disciplining children and recognizing how perfect our Father is in His own discipline of us. (Evaluating a situation, knowing the proper punishment for each party, and then actually executing the penalty is extremely hard—yet God does it flawlessly!) I'm also learning how silly it seems when kids get upset and find a corner to cry in when they should obviously just come to an adult who could help them; yet how much sillier are we when the Creator of the universe is only a prayer away, and we wallow in our own self-pity? The kids at the Club are just constantly challenging me to reflect God's patience and grace, knowing firsthand how wonderfully rich He is in this capacity.
Last summer around this time, I was at the DOV camp and traveling out to Colorado. Honestly, I'd probably give up one of our kittens just to be there again, with those people, in those places, drinking in all of the good opportunities. But there's nowhere else I'd rather be than right where God wants me to be! If He has me here, then I'm content in just trusting He knows the way. In the words of Milton, "Who brought me hither will bring me hence; no other guide I seek."
Speaking of delicious opportunities, I was blessed with a fantastic MN camp experience. It was a week of challenging studies, edifying conversations, and new friendships of all shapes and sizes. We even went to a Twins game and the Mall of America—both firsts for me. So fun! Lord-willing, I'll be headed to Texas for two more camps next Saturday. But first it's another week of work and a quick trip to D.C. to visit my brother!
Thank you, God, for summer. |
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Let me just say: God sure keeps amazing me.
Today we had CPR and First Aid training at the B&GC, and after hours of focusing on burns and spider bites and puncture wounds and amputations (and a million other lovely topics), I couldn't help but realize what a broken and bleeding and painful world we live in. When training was over, I hopped in my car and jumped on the interstate—only to be met by the biggest (a.k.a. ugliest) construction site I'd seen in awhile. There was digging and blasting and drilling and jagged blacktop for(what seemed like)ever! And thankfully I got to stare at all of this through my own cracked windshield.
Brokenness surrounds us: broken families, broken hearts, broken promises, broken cisterns—metaphorically-speaking. And it's awful! I'm not a fan. In fact, I spend far more time feeling sorry for broken you-name-it's rather than celebrating them. But not today.
Today I also couldn't help but realize how beautiful Heaven must be. It's the brokenness and pain and suffering of this world that makes the perfection and painlessness and peace of this next world so rewarding. These broken things just point us to Him—the only One who can (and someday will) make us complete and whole and seamlessly sewn up with threads of righteousness. C.S. Lewis put it quite well: "Our whole being by its very nature is one vast need; incomplete, preparatory, empty yet cluttered, crying out for Him who can untie things that are now knotted together and tie up things that are still dangling loose."
I'm thankful for broken things, because they remind us how weak and frail and temporary this world is, how infinitely restorative and salvic our Great Physician is, and how privileged we are to have even the hope of Heaven.
Read Isaiah 65:17-25 and know: that's our God!! |
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If I had a genie in a bottle to grant a wish of mine, it wouldn't be free chocolate the rest of my life, or guaranteed A's on all my future tests, or even a room crammed full of the millions of people that I love so much. Nope. The thing I'm wishing for the most right now is simply this: to fear the Lord the way I should.
Last summer, I used the word "sober" so frequently that one of my friends told me I should get a new word before people started thinking I had been an alcoholic. But that's very much how I felt—focused on God, deeply serious about serving Him, determined to clear-headedly march onward. But somewhere along the line, I've allowed myself to become distracted.
We're surrounded by some amazing things, aren't we? Personally, I enjoy raspberry lemonade from Cracker Barrel in those old-fashioned, frosted mugs. I enjoy creeks and fields and the smell of my roommate's hairspray. I enjoy reading Christian poetry and learning to eat with chopsticks and smiling when I see penguins. I enjoy art museums and color-coded calendars and Shure headphones and the dentist (really, I do) and all the mountains in Colorado. But these things are amazing because God made them that way! They are not awesome—He is.
All these good things are also temporary things. Headphones break. Creeks dry up. Calendar days get crossed off. Roommates move home. And that lemonade barely lasts five seconds in my glass. I guess I'm realizing, once again, the need to care about what matters and not care about what doesn't matter. Sure, I miss college like crazy—but there's more to life than books and professors and caps and gowns. Sure, I love being home—but there's more to life than sleeping in and baking the perfect cake and finding your favorite purse on sale. Sure, I'm looking forward to working at camps and the Boys and Girls Club—but there's more to life than W9 forms and direct deposits and wearing the right shirt.
Call me Solomon, but I want to fear God and keep His commandments... not because others expect me to, or because I know it encourages those around me, or because it's what my parents are doing. But because He saved my soul and He made me whole. And I'll praise His name, and learn to worship Him more reverently, and strive to serve Him more eagerly.
I'm so glad we're the children of such a forgiving Father—a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Seriously: who needs a genie in a bottle when all we need is found in Him? This summer, we may not climb any mountains or cross any canyons or ever set foot on the moon... but if we can learn to fear the Lord and focus on becoming more like Christ, then we'll have truly accomplished something. And maybe my wish will come true. |
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