The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Happy October to everyone! Well life has been busy but fun lately. Claire and I just got back from a Ladies weekend in Chattanooga with 7 other women from church. Lots of fun! We went to the Unclaimed Baggage store and found a few things. We even found Claire a wig since she is a baldy(it also made for a funny pic). Claire is 7.5 months old now! I enjoy her so much even though she is also a lot of work too!
Matthew and Justin took some of the boys from church on a camp out while we were gone to Chattanooga. They sound like they had a lot of fun and didn't get much sleep. However, Matthew said that the camp out was one of the first times that he thought "maybe I don't want to have more than 2 kids...".
Matthew and I are about to go on a trip for 12 days to the Tetons. I'm excited about spending time with my hubby and getting good sleep, but I'm really really going to miss Claire! She is staying with both sets of grandparents while we are gone.
We have also been tagged! I haven't been tagged in the last 10 years, so this sounds like fun! Hopefully Matthew will post his soon too...
What is "tagging" about? Post eight random facts/habits about yourself. Choose eight others to "tag", and include the guidelines in your post. Let your "taggees" know that they've been tagged!
1. I'm named after my great great grandmother (who died when I was 8). Her name was Della Rachel.
2. Matthew and I walked out after our wedding to the tune of the L-O-V-E song by Nat King Cole. Lots of fun!
3. I cringe when I touch walls or hear the sound of someone rubbing the walls. Ugh! It's a texture thing...
4. I've always wanted to hold/play with/or own a baby piglet.
5. I've had two black eyes(not at the same time) in the last 10 years. (not Matthew's doing)
6. I love to play 1st base in softball! (Matt and I are playing co-ed softball right now)
7. Matthew and I rode the school bus together when I was in Kindergarten and he was in 1st grade and we didn't know we would get married one day. :)
8. I'm terrified of leeches and ticks!
I tag...
Laura
Lauren
Megan
Summer
Andrew
Nathan
Sarah
Denise
Claire is 6 months old! Can you believe it?! Claire and I enjoyed seeing everyone at church in Auburn last week. We missed Matthew though! We thought we would share her 6 month portraits with our friends on pleonast...
