I have a relationship with my music.
Some people have to have some kind of background noise at all times, be it a TV or radio or just an open window in the city. They want music on as much as possible, but it's just to have something to fill the void, not to really appreciate the sounds they're hearing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But I need music like I need air. The invention of the iPod is truly one of the greatest things to happen, technologically, during my lifetime. Just knowing that all of my favorite artists are just a scroll wheel away is so comforting.
In college, I used to think I could get away with doing everything. Math class, English class, history, band, chorus, societies, play practice, friends, dating, etc. And I got away with it most of the time. Sort of.
I've always had a deep respect for people who knew at a young age what they wanted to do. I've had an even deeper respect for people who chose something early on and had the character to stick to it. That kind of single-minded devotion to one goal has always seemed like a kind of magic to me.
I've always been interested in lots of things. To a fault, really. I've never had any one pursuit or area of interest hold my attention strongly enough to forsake the others. I'd get serious about playing the trumpet, but then math or physics would call me away. But then as soon as I applied myself to mathematics, computer programming (a related but very different field) would seem more interesting and make me question my commitment to a previous decision. And on and on.
I don't really regret having studied so many things growing up. All of those diverse experiences have prepared me quite well for the job I currently have. And I think it sets me apart a bit in the world of specialization in which we live. But in a grass-is-always-greener kind of way, I often wonder how my life would be different if I had committed myself to something years ago. It's evidenced perfectly, just for an example, in the way I feel about having grown up in so many places: I'm interested in finding out what it's like to live somewhere for more than five years or so, but I'm not sure the investment of all of that time will be worth it in the end. Do I really want to find out that bad? Or will I just wind up wishing I had continued my here, there and everywhere existence when all's said and done?
This post really isn't about where I live. That's just an example of how I feel. I'm really speaking more in terms of what I would say if someone asked me what I do. Or what I want to do. I'm happy doing what I do. I enjoy it and I am able to support myself doing it. But I also have the opportunity to specialize. Do I take that opportunity now while it's convenient? Or do I continue living the way I've always lived and hope that I never regret not having made a decision earlier on?
I'm not sure. But I guess I can either try something new and find out how I feel or go on wondering.
This post is more for my own catharsis than it is to inspire thought in others, but if any of you have any insight you'd like to share, I'd love to hear it. |
|
