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Gotta Love Lark News. I got especially tickled at this one.
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PEORIA, Ariz. — Last Sunday, pastor Irwin Alton, 62, preached against several specific sins during his sermon. Some people in the audience gasped with recognition.
"When he talked about skipping mid-week service to go to the lake, and buying a new boat when you haven’t tithed, I felt nailed to my pew," said one man. "It was like the Holy Spirit was speaking right to me."
But it wasn’t the Holy Spirit — it was the man’s own blog where he had posted photos of himself and his buddies on his new boat on a Wednesday evening.
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And don't miss the report that The Apostle Paul was actually a midget. This part made me snort: They also speculate that Paul's "short man's complex" led him to persecute the church before his conversion... |
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On Monday morning I brought the boys swimming in the hotel pool. Not 10 minutes into our activity I noticed a bulge in the back side of Colton's pants. The previous few days Colton had done very well using the potty, so I had not put a swim diaper on him. A quick investigation led to an instant 2 foot radius of water brownage. We took off for the room and cleaned it up, not before we destroyed the bathroom. Thankfully we would be checking out in 2 hours and (hopefully) would not need to use all of the sixty five towels that were contaminated and thrown onto a pile on the floor.
After we got ready to go, we set off for the wedding location for photos. Unfortunately it was locked, so we went with several other members of the wedding party to McDonald's. We ate lunch and I sent the kids off to play on the equipment they had. I was slightly apprehensive...after all, it is VERY difficult to track down dress clothes for small boys. Dress shirt, tie, slacks, belt, black socks and dress shoes. We were ready to go. Then we noticed something on Colton's knee. Had he fallen into something? Oh, it was also....on his other foot...and coming out of the pant leg. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. A trip into the bathroom revealed a hidden mudslide in his pants. We were t-minus 15 minutes to head back for photos before the ceremony. What's a girl to do? I stripped them off with the socks and shoes, and Jeremy got into wipedown mode. I set to using the nice foamy handsoap and scrubbed the clothes down like crazy in the sink. (JUST A NOTE: This is why you should always treat public restrooms like they are NASTILY FILTHY...because people like me wash poopy clothes in the sink.) And guess what else they had? An electric hand dryer. Never had I ever loved those tree-saving-waste-reducing-cleaner-facilities-machines before in my life. Dry, dry, dry. The pants weren't totally dry, but they worked.
I'm glad my mom raised me to be resourceful. |
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