Love
Working on loving the unloveable because Christ loves the unloveable, is the best way I have found to help reassure me of God's love for me, when I feel that I am unlovable or fighting low self-esteem.
Candyland
Nyah got the game Candyland for Christmas this year. I broke it open and tried to play it with her. I'm finally admitting to myself that I have a tendency of being a perfectionist and taking things a little too seriously. I tried to make Nyah follow exactly the rules of Candyland and have the attention span of 5 minutes of following the game exactly the way it's meant to be played.
She is still a little too young to do that. Rules and doing things the way they are meant to be done is a good thing. It's one of those things we have to learn about life. Still though, she is not quite ready for that due to her age. This is one of those things I had to realize after a few minutes I can't make her do perfectly. We ended up playing a 3 minute version of the game which slightly followed how you are supposed to play it with many exceptions along to way. After the game was over she told her mom how much fun she had playing Candyland with Daddy! I had to meet her on her level and not worry about doing it perfectly.
This is one of those lessons I have to learn for myself. When I first decided that perhaps Jesus is the Son of God, that maybe Christianity could be true, I tried to be a Christian perfectly. I took "watch your life and doctrine closely, so that you might save yoursef and your hearers" to mean 'perfectly'. That is an impossibility which just made me not very gracious with myself or others.
Imperfection is something I have to continually work on accepting in every area. I tend to be my worst critic, but I have to accept that they exist (because they do.) Maybe several people have this problem. I remember once someone confiding in me how much they had been dealing with several different types of impurity; later that day we studied the Bible with someone and this same guy told this person how he lived 'exactly like Jesus'. lol. I guess not coming to terms of acceptance we may have to create some altermative universe in our minds which is not reality, otherwise known as self-deceit.
The goal and the reality of what is are two very different things. I think because perfect life is impossible, so is perfect thinking. The very word 'disciple' in Matthew 28:18-20 is really just the same as saying student. Being a student is definitely a commitment, a pursuit of whatever you are a student of. If it was about having already arrived though, knowing everything, doing it perfectly without mistakes, one would cease to be a disciple. One would be the Master. That is why it's also followed by 'and continue to teach them everything I have commanded' (conferred to you, to adhere to, taught you- depending on translation).
She is still a little too young to do that. Rules and doing things the way they are meant to be done is a good thing. It's one of those things we have to learn about life. Still though, she is not quite ready for that due to her age. This is one of those things I had to realize after a few minutes I can't make her do perfectly. We ended up playing a 3 minute version of the game which slightly followed how you are supposed to play it with many exceptions along to way. After the game was over she told her mom how much fun she had playing Candyland with Daddy! I had to meet her on her level and not worry about doing it perfectly.
This is one of those lessons I have to learn for myself. When I first decided that perhaps Jesus is the Son of God, that maybe Christianity could be true, I tried to be a Christian perfectly. I took "watch your life and doctrine closely, so that you might save yoursef and your hearers" to mean 'perfectly'. That is an impossibility which just made me not very gracious with myself or others.
Imperfection is something I have to continually work on accepting in every area. I tend to be my worst critic, but I have to accept that they exist (because they do.) Maybe several people have this problem. I remember once someone confiding in me how much they had been dealing with several different types of impurity; later that day we studied the Bible with someone and this same guy told this person how he lived 'exactly like Jesus'. lol. I guess not coming to terms of acceptance we may have to create some altermative universe in our minds which is not reality, otherwise known as self-deceit.
The goal and the reality of what is are two very different things. I think because perfect life is impossible, so is perfect thinking. The very word 'disciple' in Matthew 28:18-20 is really just the same as saying student. Being a student is definitely a commitment, a pursuit of whatever you are a student of. If it was about having already arrived though, knowing everything, doing it perfectly without mistakes, one would cease to be a disciple. One would be the Master. That is why it's also followed by 'and continue to teach them everything I have commanded' (conferred to you, to adhere to, taught you- depending on translation).
Hope
The past few weeks, communion hasn't been making me think of the past or the present. Instead I've been thinking about the future, how there is supposed to be a final feast. Everyone would agree this world isn't perfect and we don't get along- not just Christians but all of us as people. Even though I think unity and peace is something we should all strive for, I know it's never going to happen fully here.
I really don't know what this unity is going to look like. I'd like to think everyone will be there, but really there isn't much I know. None of us really know exactly what the after life will be like. There might not even be a meal, a feast, but maybe this was the best way Christ could describe it in a way that we could sort of understand. I think we'll all be dumb-founded, no matter how much we know or think we know.
I hope I can be there. I'm sure I'll learn I was wrong about alot of things. I'm sure I will be surprised by alot too. Perfect communion with the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, along with perfect communion with others there too. I really don't know fully what that means or what this is going to be like. This Christmas season, I think I realize more and more how confusing this idea of God entering our world is. The idea of us entering the 'other' world is really confusing too. Both concepts are beyond anything we can figure out. Paul mentions that our meal 'proclaims Christ's death until he comes'. It's this 'coming back' part that gives me hope lately. I don't know what any of this means, but it's much better than anything we can find here.
This meal we take each week probably seems silly to many people. But maybe just like our words, any explanation of any of these mysteries, Heaven, God in human form, sacrifice for our sins, sound silly, because they are all things beyond our comprehension. But if we're willing to be silly, they give us hope.
I really don't know what this unity is going to look like. I'd like to think everyone will be there, but really there isn't much I know. None of us really know exactly what the after life will be like. There might not even be a meal, a feast, but maybe this was the best way Christ could describe it in a way that we could sort of understand. I think we'll all be dumb-founded, no matter how much we know or think we know.
I hope I can be there. I'm sure I'll learn I was wrong about alot of things. I'm sure I will be surprised by alot too. Perfect communion with the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, along with perfect communion with others there too. I really don't know fully what that means or what this is going to be like. This Christmas season, I think I realize more and more how confusing this idea of God entering our world is. The idea of us entering the 'other' world is really confusing too. Both concepts are beyond anything we can figure out. Paul mentions that our meal 'proclaims Christ's death until he comes'. It's this 'coming back' part that gives me hope lately. I don't know what any of this means, but it's much better than anything we can find here.
This meal we take each week probably seems silly to many people. But maybe just like our words, any explanation of any of these mysteries, Heaven, God in human form, sacrifice for our sins, sound silly, because they are all things beyond our comprehension. But if we're willing to be silly, they give us hope.
community man?
I've been seeing lately how important community is. I don't fully understand it logically though. Not only do we learn good things from our "community", but bad things too. -mass riots, marketing and persuasion. Still- for some reason , we're meant to be social creatures. There's something about connecting w/ others that feels right. I like reading alot, but there's something different when I'm talking to someone after an AA meeting, having coffee w/ a friend, starting conversation w/ a stranger, etc. I don't necessarily learn more, and I can even see something bad in communities. But there's something I learn emotionally though maybe not intellectually. I seem to learn more about myself in community. I'm more likely to discover things about myself like love, admiration, fear, embarrasment, anger. Of course some of these things I don't like, I'd much rather not have at all. It's probably the perfectionist in me. I wonder if it's just something I have to accept in life though. Maybe that is why community is so important, to teach us to accept that we aren't perfect- that life isn't meant to be lived perfectly. I tend to like having all the answers, I don't want there to be unknown variables. In community, I don't have the ability to be a computer, I'm forced to be human. Or atleast it reveals to me how human I am. Things like morals and social acceptances have changed through history. There are no concrete right or wrongs in the context of societies. Maybe it's to even teach us not to think so high of our opinions- that there our opinions and knowledge really aren't- or atleast shouldn't be the rule we judge everything by. Maybe community gives a great place to see our flaws and have the opportunity for humility- of course depending on what we choose to make our communities and how we approach community.
There is a quote some ancient people had that "man is neither animal, nor a god, but maybe a little of both." We have basic instincts and desires we know we cannot give ourselves fully to like animals. We have a strong longing for perfection and eternity but we know we are severly flawed and weak at our best. As a Christian and an alcoholic, I wonder if it's through community that's God's plan to teach me this "middle path" of just being human what ever that means. To be godly, though accepting I'm not God; that I'm just a sinner though we're all children of God.
I think community can be a good thing- if I don't look down on it like I'm somehow superior, or elevate it to something that's greater than myself, something that's better than me so I have to conform or go with the group conscious. Maybe if I use community as a mirror for everything that's good and bad in me. Seeing that it's flawed yet so am I, being patient and forgiving with community and in turn being that way w/ myself, seeing the positive in community and seeing the postive in myself. I think I can use community to see deeper into myself.
There is a quote some ancient people had that "man is neither animal, nor a god, but maybe a little of both." We have basic instincts and desires we know we cannot give ourselves fully to like animals. We have a strong longing for perfection and eternity but we know we are severly flawed and weak at our best. As a Christian and an alcoholic, I wonder if it's through community that's God's plan to teach me this "middle path" of just being human what ever that means. To be godly, though accepting I'm not God; that I'm just a sinner though we're all children of God.
I think community can be a good thing- if I don't look down on it like I'm somehow superior, or elevate it to something that's greater than myself, something that's better than me so I have to conform or go with the group conscious. Maybe if I use community as a mirror for everything that's good and bad in me. Seeing that it's flawed yet so am I, being patient and forgiving with community and in turn being that way w/ myself, seeing the positive in community and seeing the postive in myself. I think I can use community to see deeper into myself.
accepting what is
I was trying to pray just now and was having a hard time finding words. I decided to try to figure out what I felt and what I wanted. I want to feel happy, successful, on top of the world- I want to feel like a hero. I want to be perfect- atleast my view of what perfection is, and my life to be perfect.
If I was perfect though, I wouldn't be taking communion. If I was successful and everyone's hero, I wouldn't be taking communion either. If I could be self sufficient I wouldn't be taking it. Taking communion isn't about being individually great, but being a part of something great. A broken body and spilt blood is a good reminder that life isn't meant to be just easy going and happy. Communion helps me remember all of these things. I think Christ wants me to be mindful of reality and accept what is.
If I was perfect though, I wouldn't be taking communion. If I was successful and everyone's hero, I wouldn't be taking communion either. If I could be self sufficient I wouldn't be taking it. Taking communion isn't about being individually great, but being a part of something great. A broken body and spilt blood is a good reminder that life isn't meant to be just easy going and happy. Communion helps me remember all of these things. I think Christ wants me to be mindful of reality and accept what is.
xray342
jehu_de_nini
She values the relationship and having fun with her daddy than following the rules of the game perfectly. I'm sure you'll figure out how to play the regular way in a year or two and will still have fun.
I guess one of the things we humans tend to do is to put rules on the relationships. Now there are obviously things we should and shouldn't do in our relationships because they either build or break them down. But at a certain point, they transcend rules because agape love can't be bound by them.