I have changed.

I don't know how to explain it (of course, I'll try), but I have. I've changed my mind about things and made up my mind about others... realizing more and more how much I need grace in my life from God and from people.

(I told you I'd try) I've come to realize that living a life of purpose is not about "finding your purpose" but living in such a way that God can use you and will use you... and trusting that he is, whether you can see it or not. We forget about faith... so much about being a Christian is about trusting that God is working in our lives even if we can't always see it. So I've stopped waiting for that one inspirational quote or daring deed to present itself in my life... that's about me, not about God.

I've been hit with a lot of difficult trials over the last couple of months. God has taught me so much about myself and those around me. I've finally come to realize that part of praying for God to use me was being willing to be changed and go through painful situations in order to be a better servant of his. I used to find these things to be from the devil, but they were certainly from God... because I have only become a better person because of them. I used to not be able to get pass the pain to see the result. I am so thankful that God has equipped me with strength, though I know at times I will prove to be weak again.

I'm sick of arguing and debating. Unless I can help, I've stayed away from the issue... I've decided to stop wasting my time with those that don't want help and stop ignoring those that are crying out for it. We have so much to offer... why do we keep wasting our breath on those that don't want to listen, when so many are willing to? This has been an extremely hard transition for me, but I have felt so peaceful just giving all of my frustrations and rambles to God and just to being still and listening.

Some words of wisdom I've learned to live by:

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of alterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest,people may cheat on you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness,people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It never was between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa

That last part always makes me think... who am I living for? Sometimes we get mixed up in living for people and living to please people. I always want justice, always want fair, always want to be recognized... the reality is, there's going to be a lot of times when I will not be credited for something I've done, but it's been a slap in the face to be reminded that none of it is about ME... so why should I even care? Why do we get distracted so much with others when there's so much still to be improved in ourselves. I've learned to seek to improve in myself what I've found to be so difficult in others. Maybe just maybe instead of constantly judging others and letting the judgement of others decide what we think, we could look critically at ourselves and how God sees us, and live a life that would inspire others to do the same.

ETERNITY... who cares about what they think?

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.