I'm at a deep low right now and am having a really tough time just dealing with my everyday life. Please pray for me, I still think it'll help....

Okay, I think it's time I actually said what's going on with me, and what isn't.

I'm struggling spiritually. I'm not falling away, or pregnant, or any of the other outrageous things that I've heard gossip on. I made a bunch of mistakes, yes I know that. I haven't responded very well to those mistakes and have been heaping them up for a few weeks now. That is completely obvious. *sigh* I'm not perfect. I'm just a small, fearful, female, human, [CHRISTIAN] who keeps tripping and falling over when she forgets to put her armor back on. I know I shouldn't take it off, and saying it's heavy isn't a good enough reason to go unprotected towards the enemy. My head is still ringing from the knocking around I got a couple weeks ago and I haven't even really begun to heal yet. It's my own fault and I just need to let the Father comfort me and re-teach me everything.

What my problems are spiritually, and their consequences, are between me and the Father. Yes you can talk to me and even chastise me. That is your responsibility and right as my brothers and sisters in Christ. Just please, talk to me instead of watching and wondering, gossiping to one another, and basically just staying inside your own heads alone. I know a few of y'all who read this have no clue what I'm talking about, and if you want to know, just ask me and I might tell you a little of it. Stop giving the Devil a foothold in your hearts. Please! I love all of you, we're family. Even when one of us sins a 'big sin' we're supposed to be there for each other. Thank you Cassie for talking with me and listening and just being a good sister in Christ. Thank you also Amanda for reaching out to me as you have been doing since before this all started. I know I need to listen to you more, but I also want to focus on the Father instead of sinking into earthly comfort even when it's from the Faithful.

*mleh* This was exhausting, and I'm going to try and sleep now. *shakes head sadly* I can't wait to transfer.

Help.

I'm still awake. I don't want to be. I'm not up for complaining, but I have plenty that I could complain bout if I chose to do so. "Now what do I do?" has been in my head for a couple weeks now.

Mleh. Oh the simple assistance found in an onomatopoeia.

Today is a new day. I'm starting over, because thats all there is to do. I wallowed this morning for a couple of hours when I couldn't get back to sleep, and now I'm worshiping the way I was created to do.

"Blue Skies": Point of Grace
On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
Its so hard to see past my fears
My strength seems to fade
And its all I can do
To hold on, til the light reappears
Still, I believe though some rains bound to fall
That you're here next to me
And you're over it all

(chorus)
Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in you
You're my joy
You're the dream that's still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life
You're grace
You are blue skies
You're my blue skies
When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond
Where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and you're mercy anew
Oh, to believe we're alive in your love
There is so much to see
If we keep looking up

(repeat chorus)

You fill the heavens with hope and a higher love
A picture, a promise for life

Repeat chorus