at 10/02/09 12:14AM
Overheard here tonight: "What are you doing?!?! No parkour in the house."
at 07/05/09 3:18PM
It's time for my fifth annual post having no purpose other than to allow all y'all to...oh, forget it. You know the drill.
...and I can't believe nobody else wanted to share in my reminiscing about Walkmans (Walkmen?) in the previous post. I guess you're all too young.
at 06/30/09 1:01AM
Awesome. So, so awesome.
I remember in 8th grade I wanted a yellow "sport" one sooooo bad. Alas, I never owned one--sporty or otherwise. I had to make do with a briefcase-sized mono(!) analog radio-cassette player (a hand-me-down from one of my siblings).
at 06/24/09 10:42AM
I did not tough it out through two Wisconsin winters and one spring-that-never-came only to be "rewarded" with THIS.
Although the weatherman declared it to be a record, he tried to claim that the temperature only got up to 95 yesterday. I know that has to be a lie. The sign at the bank said 97, and my vehicles measured it at 98 or above. Plus the 60% humidity. Despite what you may have heard from Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf and King Willie of Memphis, just because you put it on television and the internet doesn't make it true.
Yesterday at the grocery store I was ratted out as an outsider by one of the clerks because I was the only person in the check-out lanes who was not dripping with sweat. Only moments later as I was loading up my vehicle, my leg became semi-permanently anchored to the parking lot because that cold-climate stuff they use to patch the concrete cracks got all melty and decided to conform itself to the bottom of my BRAND NEW shoe. I now have some sort of asphalt permanently attached to my shoe bottoms, and Festival, in turn, has a permanent antitype of my foot. I certainly hope nobody ever commits a serious crime in the Festival parking lot, as the investigators will discover the footprint and I may be falsely accused. I certainly did not sign up for my loud air conditioner to run all day long without stopping and for my children--who are usually partial to chocolate milk--to actually be begging me for water! WATER! They hate plain water! What is up with that?
In closing, I expect you to honor this claim against the warranty I purchased on all that glorious summer weather that was promised by your tourism materials and by all my friends who are trying to convince me to move here permanently. I know you would not wish to make liars out of them and tarnish the otherwise stellar reputation of your jarringly flat, highly-taxed state.
Sincerely
kt80
at 04/26/09 12:28AM
Today is Debt Day. The feds have already spent all the money that they plan to raise during the current fiscal year, and from here on out will be operating in the red [insert your favorite pun about China here. Or don't]. This is the earliest Debt Day in modern history. Debt Day in recent history:
2002: September 2
2003: July 29
2004: July 27
2005: August 14
2006: August 27
2007: September 9
2008: August 5
I celebrated already by deciding to pay someone else to wash and fold our dirty laundry. It was pretty awesome, actually. I hope you enjoy your holiday festivities as much as I did.
"Parkour...the internet sensation of 2004."
You guys are way too smart.
Hope yall get to feeling better!
There are soy beans in the south!!?? oh dear.....
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