entries


"I'm Leo Getz, and whatever you want, Leo gets." (18)
at 02/23/10 5:54PM
"You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land." (26)
at 01/08/10 10:11PM
"i know you can be 'overwhelmed', and you can be 'underwhelmed', but can you ever just be 'whelmed'?" "i think you can in europe." (11)
at 01/04/10 6:50PM
"what are they doing?" "they're watching 'snow white'. and they love it." (9)
at 12/31/09 5:26PM
"Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key lime disease." (10)
at 12/21/09 7:47PM
"every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings." (11)
at 12/17/09 9:47PM
"When what's left of you gets around to what's left to be gotten, what's left to be gotten won't be worth getting, whatever it is you've got left." (18)
at 12/08/09 8:07PM
""X" marks the spot." (7)
at 12/03/09 10:33PM
"i can't make love to a bush!" (15)
at 11/22/09 1:55PM
"Remember, remember the 5th of November." (14)
at 11/04/09 6:45PM
"You are a murderer of love!" (16)
at 10/20/09 12:52PM
"how can you not have bread?" "we're a vietnamese restaurant, we just don't have bread." "well, you're not vietnamese." "no...i'm not." (20)
at 09/28/09 7:10PM
"i don't want to leave." "so don't. stay here with me. we'll start a jazz band." (19)
at 09/23/09 6:52PM
"Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast." (20)
at 09/17/09 7:27PM
"When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book." (15)
at 08/30/09 12:06PM
"life is pain, highness. anyone who says differently is selling something." (16)
at 08/25/09 6:38PM
"take the ugly one!""no, you take the ugly one!""i'll take the ugly one!""which one's the ugly one?" (17)
at 08/15/09 11:19AM
"There were no F names in the Bible so Ma named him Frankincense because he smelled so sweet." (15)
at 08/07/09 7:19AM
"i must break you" (20)
at 07/28/09 7:33PM
"Why is this thing safe for me and not for my keys?" (19)
at 07/20/09 10:21PM
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't following me." (23)
at 07/16/09 6:48PM
"Saddam? His name's Saddam? Oh, that's real good, Bruce. Yeah, I'm gonna pin a medal on an Iraqi named Saddam. Give yourself a raise, will you?" (20)
at 07/06/09 6:40PM
"And you should see my Harry on Television. We're giving the prizes away. I JUST WANTED TO BE ON THE SHOW!" (10)
at 06/26/09 7:05AM
"Bubbles. Bubbles. My bubbles." (20)
at 06/23/09 10:21PM
"Where does he get those wonderful toys?" (19)
at 06/19/09 7:23AM
"Sew, very old one! Sew like the wind!" (14)
at 06/08/09 10:29PM
"i'm older and have more insurance" (18)
at 06/06/09 7:17PM
no subject (23)
at 06/02/09 10:20PM
"i hate to be rude, but we're french!" (17)
at 06/01/09 12:58PM
"and once i turn back into my beautiful self, i'm going to kill you!" (17)
at 05/18/09 8:47PM
"aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?""yes. i am relieved to know that i am not a golem.""good. do you have magical powers?" (11)
at 05/16/09 1:53PM
"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours." (17)
at 05/05/09 9:00PM
"you actually go outside in these things?""What would you prefer, yellow spandex?" (14)
at 05/01/09 10:19AM
"I'm here about some monkeys.""Monkeys?""Monkeys. Yes. Twelve of them." (11)
at 04/28/09 8:35PM
"did you see that sky today? talk about blue!" (18)
at 04/21/09 12:49PM
"what are you talking about?""You, Mini-Man, takin' on the jellies. You've got serious thrill issues, dude. Awesome." (20)
at 04/16/09 12:38PM
"Ow! I think you broke something!""Well, with counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me." (14)
at 04/06/09 7:39PM
"Wait a minute. Who elected you leader of this outfit?""Well Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought." (13)
at 04/02/09 7:28AM
"Do you have any idea what toilet paper feels like in Egypt?" (16)
at 03/29/09 9:41PM
"If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists." (10)
at 03/18/09 10:11PM
"You should have let me keep my old LaSalle. It never would've behaved this way and you know it.""Mama, cars don't behave. They are behaved upon." (13)
at 03/09/09 6:22PM
"How are you fixed for fuel? Are you still using fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystallic fusion?""Well, we have double-A's" (14)
at 03/06/09 6:09PM
"Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that." (14)
at 02/27/09 10:04PM
"david, kill the queen!""what?""the jukebox!" (16)
at 02/22/09 5:26PM
"listening to this is guaranteed to make you sterile" (19)
at 02/19/09 10:08AM
"you see, jason was my son and today is his birthday" (13)
at 02/14/09 8:14AM
"I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away." (17)
at 02/07/09 10:15AM
"Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today." (22)
at 02/02/09 12:27PM
"Blow me to Bermuda!" (18)
at 01/26/09 7:14AM
"it's like I'm playin' cards with my brother's kids or somethin'." (25)
at 01/23/09 3:28PM